What Pumpkin Spice Malört Kind of Tastes Like
It’s like combining oil and water, if oil was an outdoor fall photoshoot and water was nihilism
It’s like if you got a PSL from Starbucks but the whipped cream was cigarette ashes.
It’s like watching a Tool cover band perform at a family pumpkin patch.
It’s like a craft cocktail that’s just warm Old Style.
It’s like if couchsurfing was not a fun European adventure but something you have to do because you hate having a job.
It’s like a baking blog but all the recipes are just “pizza left out on the counter.”
It’s like if the Bachelor looked like the Golden Bachelor but was the age of normal Bachelors.
It’s like if Panera only served black and milds.
It’s like if your horoscope just said “new phone who dis.”
It’s like if girl dinner was a small pile of cocaine.
It’s like if your infinity tattoo was done by one of those tattoo guns from eBay.
It’s like if frosé was mixed with black coffee.
It’s like if you had a book club but no one could read.
