The 36 Questions That Lead to Love

Hoping to get myself out of the friend zone with — myself

According to this psychologist Arthur Aron and also The New York Times, there are 36 questions that can make you fall in love with someone.

These questions — which were initially rolled out in the ’90s when all of the most romantic things were created, like glow-in-the-dark condoms and AOL chat rooms — are designed to get deeper and more personal as they go along. As couples answer them, they will learn more about every facet of one another and, as a result, strengthen their emotional connection…and eventually fall in love.

As a single individual rarely deterred by activities reserved for couples, I decided to go ahead and answer these famous 36 Questions on my own in hopes of falling deeply in love with myself.

Or at least getting myself out of the friend zone.

Set I

Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

Rudy Giuliani so I can ask him why he is such a bad person AND ALSO why he was willing to have sex with what he thought was an underage girl in that Borat movie and then I could poison his food so he’ll die.

Would you like to be famous? In what way?

Yes for poisoning Rudy Giuliani.

What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?

One where I can invite Dr. Oz to dinner too, if you know what I’m getting at.

Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?

No, whenever I call someone, I say “hey, I’m going to text you instead” and then I hang up.

When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?

I last sang to myself when I did a karaoke duet alone. I guess the “to someone…