Real Christmas Tree Farms Are Nothing Like the Hallmark Movies

Believe me, no one was more surprised than I was

Last weekend, I discovered that Christmas tree farms are not at all the magical holiday utopia that I once thought.

Just as a disclaimer, I’ve never actually been to a Christmas tree farm. Growing up, we always got our tree from someone selling them out of a truck in the nearby CVS parking lot. Which sounds illegal, but I’m pretty sure it was not.

If you had asked me back then, I would have likely assumed that’s what a Christmas tree farm was — Christmas trees grow in the back of trucks, I probably would have said. I don’t know, something about holiday magic.

The only other experience I’ve had with Christmas tree farms is in Hallmark movies.

In a Hallmark movie, the Christmas tree farm is a very important location.

Sometimes, it’s the place where the big city woman who’s back in town for the holidays reconnects with her high school sweetheart because that’s where he works now.

Sometimes, it’s the place where the two main characters who are “just friends” go to pick out a tree and then end up realizing they have feelings for each other.

Sometimes, it’s the location of the meet cute where the sad, single woman goes because she just needs something to cheer her up during the holidays and she happens to run into the sad, single dad who brought his absolutely adorable daughter because they both need a distraction since the holidays “remind us of Mom.” Who’s dead.

My point is: Christmas tree farms hold a TON of holiday magic, from what I’ve gathered. So when I was invited to go to Ralph’s Christmas Tree Farm with my friend Meredith, I couldn’t wait to experience it for myself.

And since Meredith is single, I was absolutely certain this would be her big chance at finding love once and for all.

OPPORTUNITY NUMBER 1 TO FIND LOVE AT THE CHRISTMAS TREE FARM: OBTAINING A HAND SAW

When you arrive at a Christmas tree farm, I learned, you go to the nearest bin and get…