Dill Pickle Cotton Candy & Other Things I Wish I Had Never Eaten

Some things seem like a good idea at the time, and some things don’t seem like a good idea at the time but you still do them for some reason

Dog food that time when I was a kid

My friend told me it tasted like bread and I like bread.

Dog food that time when I was an adult

I like bread.

Deep dish pizza

That is an inside joke between me and the people of Chicago.

A Malort shot out of a Tostitos scoop

That is an inside joke between me and the people of that party.

A bug on accident

It was an accident.

A bug on purpose

It was a trend.

All the times I’ve accidentally eaten a piece of burrito wrapper while eating a burrito

In a desperation to get as much burrito into my body as quickly as possible I guess.

All the times I used a paper towel to soak up the grease on a piece of pizza and then ate that paper towel

The grease is the best part.

Reader Discretion: The Throw Up Section

Some things seem like a good idea at the time, and some things make you vomit.

That cheese quesadilla that gave me food poisoning

A forgettable quesadilla but a weekend of puking I’ll remember forever.

The Dunkin avocado toast I ate on the way to a drug test for a new job

That I then threw up in a parking lot after realizing it had poppyseeds on it (I mean it might as well have been heroin syringe toast).

The Throw Up Section is over