Dill Pickle Cotton Candy & Other Things I Wish I Had Never Eaten
Some things seem like a good idea at the time, and some things don’t seem like a good idea at the time but you still do them for some reason
Dog food that time when I was a kid
My friend told me it tasted like bread and I like bread.
Dog food that time when I was an adult
I like bread.
Deep dish pizza
That is an inside joke between me and the people of Chicago.
A Malort shot out of a Tostitos scoop
That is an inside joke between me and the people of that party.
A bug on accident
It was an accident.
A bug on purpose
It was a trend.
All the times I’ve accidentally eaten a piece of burrito wrapper while eating a burrito
In a desperation to get as much burrito into my body as quickly as possible I guess.
All the times I used a paper towel to soak up the grease on a piece of pizza and then ate that paper towel
The grease is the best part.
Reader Discretion: The Throw Up Section
Some things seem like a good idea at the time, and some things make you vomit.
That cheese quesadilla that gave me food poisoning
A forgettable quesadilla but a weekend of puking I’ll remember forever.
The Dunkin avocado toast I ate on the way to a drug test for a new job
That I then threw up in a parking lot after realizing it had poppyseeds on it (I mean it might as well have been heroin syringe toast).