Dear Rachel Marsh the Aspiring Actress,
[Not to be confused with ME, Rachel Marsh, who is not aspiring to anything]
Because your career seems to be “taking off” as they say in “show business,” I felt I needed to write you this letter based on some concerns I’ve had.
After a recent google search of myself (it’s always good to know what the internet thinks I’m up to) (and I’m vain), it came to my attention that you’re starting to get “more recognized” — you even had what some might refer to as your “big break.”
At first I was okay with your decision to be in the “biz”…
Throughout the years of my self-google searches, I’ve casually sat back and watched your acting career.
For awhile there, your entire IMDb page consisted of a TV movie from 2018, this one scene you did in NCIS: Los Angeles, and the time you briefly appeared as a contestant on Ellen Degeneres’s game show.
But now you’re starting to get more famous…
After a recent google search to see what I’m up to, I realized you’ve had some “big career moves.”
I was disappointed to discover, for example, that you appeared in all eight episodes of the Netflix series Unstable, starring Rob Lowe and someone who I think is his son.
And it wasn’t like your previous roles where you had like one line (NCIS) or where played yourself (Ellen).
Your character in Unstable, for example, has her own IMDb page. It’s also such a big deal, in fact, that you were even featured in an article from a website “Flaunt” where you got to explain to Flaunt readers how improv works.
And so now I’m getting worried.
No big deal, but this is why I don’t want you to get famous…
Here’s the thing, Rachel Marsh: once you start getting more famous, everyone is going to be telling me about this actress with my same name — as if they’re the first ones to give me this information, and as if I haven’t been thoroughly stalking you like you’re my ex’s new girlfriend.