A Review of the Manicure I Just Gave Myself

Hey you guys! It’s me, Rachel, the author of this page.

I’ve had a really, supremely awful month for a wide variety of reasons, including the fact that I JUST stubbed my toe, and I simply haven’t had the time or the interest to sit down and write about important things like grocery stores or my journey to become an influencer or why women in Hallmark movies always wake up with makeup on.

Instead I’m going to write a review for the manicure I just gave myself.

I’m calling it self-care.

The lazy blog post, not the manicure. The manicure is a chore.

Just as a disclaimer: I don’t ever get real manicures because the nail technicians either chastise me for how short I cut my nails or they give me gel nails that are impossible to get off so I always just paint them myself.

Which, you’d think would mean I’m really good at it, but I believe the review would suggest otherwise.

A Review of the Manicure I Just Gave Myself

(Yes the uninspired title is also self-care, thank you for noticing.)

She started with a base layer of an OPI color called “Charged Up Cherry,” which is crazy that it’s called that because the color is hot pink; really more of a “Charged Up Dragon Fruit,” or “Charged Up Lipstick Color of Every Retired Woman in Florida.”

But I let it slide because it really is a good almost-summer nail color.

She started at the right hand thumb; that went alright, but just around the middle finger, I started noticing all of the around-the-nail nail polish infusion, which I don’t think is supposed to happen.

When I mentioned it, she said something about how you get what you pay for, and she proceeded to cover my remaining cuticles with Charged Up Cherry. As if this were the first time she had ever fucking painted nails.

When I mentioned this, she told me that she never bothered to learn how to stay inside the lines because the polish will just wash off of skin…