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Rachel Marsh
Rachel Marsh

300 Followers

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Published in

Slackjaw

·5 days ago

A Really, Really Specific Hallmark Christmas Movie Drinking Game

Take a drink if the magic of Christmas convinces a Catholic priest that being gay is okay — Take a drink if the movie revolves around a children’s pageant and the town’s hottest firefighter gets involved in it for reasons nobody questions. Take a drink if someone from Full House is one of the characters. Take a drink if dating a widower with a kid not only doesn’t…

Christmas

3 min read

A Really, Really Specific Hallmark Christmas Movie Drinking Game
A Really, Really Specific Hallmark Christmas Movie Drinking Game
Christmas

3 min read


Published in

The Belladonna Comedy

·Dec 1

A Baby Name Consultant in the 1990s

Might I suggest “Emily”? — With the millennium just around the corner, your new baby is going to want to take on the next century with a strong attitude and a name that people are going to be comfortable with when they inquire about your pregnancy. As a baby name consultant, my job is to…

Baby Names

3 min read

A Baby Name Consultant in the 1990s
A Baby Name Consultant in the 1990s
Baby Names

3 min read


Oct 25

What Pumpkin Spice Malört Kind of Tastes Like

It’s like combining oil and water, if oil was an outdoor fall photoshoot and water was nihilism — It’s like if you got a PSL from Starbucks but the whipped cream was cigarette ashes. It’s like watching a Tool cover band perform at a family pumpkin patch. It’s like a craft cocktail that’s just warm Old Style. It’s like if couchsurfing was not a fun European adventure but…

Pumpkin Spice

2 min read

What Pumpkin Spice Malört Kind of Tastes Like
What Pumpkin Spice Malört Kind of Tastes Like
Pumpkin Spice

2 min read


Published in

Slackjaw

·Sep 23

This Vegetarian Awareness Month, Take Time to Remember the People Still Suffering from Vegetarianism Every Day

There are still millions of people who think eggplant can be a main dish — Every year, October 1 kicks off Vegetarian Awareness Month: a focused time to increase vegetarianism awareness, support those affected, and ultimately find a cure for this condition. To date, there are 1.5 billion people across the globe living as vegetarians. …

Vegetarian

3 min read

This Vegetarian Awareness Month, Take Time to Remember the People Still Suffering from…
This Vegetarian Awareness Month, Take Time to Remember the People Still Suffering from…
Vegetarian

3 min read


Sep 16

An Analytic Fact Check on My Third Grade Chapter Books

Where 8-year-old Rachel took creative liberties vs. what really happened — Valintine Dance BY RACHEL MARSH P. 1: It was time to go to the Valentine Dance and I was so excited! P. 2: When I got there, I saw Alice (she’s my friend) I decided to say hi. P. 3: When Alice saw me she said that she wanted to get some refreshments, so we…

Childhood

4 min read

An Analytic Fact Check on My Third Grade Chapter Books
An Analytic Fact Check on My Third Grade Chapter Books
Childhood

4 min read


Sep 9

“The Best Things to Do When You Visit NYC!”

I have been such a wanderluster this year! Over the winter, I flew to Seattle to see all the cool stuff they have. Then in the spring, I went to Los Angeles to get my beach girl vibes on! And just last week, I went to New York City to…

New York City

3 min read

“The Best Things to Do When You Visit NYC!”
“The Best Things to Do When You Visit NYC!”
New York City

3 min read


Published in

The Haven

·Jul 25

Fun Date Ideas Based on the Time I Went with a Guy to the ER

Try something more original than dinner and drinks for your next date night! — Interested in shaking up the monotony in your dating life? I’ve recently come up with a handful of super fun and super unique date ideas inspired entirely by this one night I was on a second date with a guy and I ended up going to the emergency room with…

Dating

3 min read

Fun Date Ideas Based on the Time I Went with a Guy to the ER
Fun Date Ideas Based on the Time I Went with a Guy to the ER
Dating

3 min read


Jul 5

Dill Pickle Cotton Candy & Other Things I Wish I Had Never Eaten

Some things seem like a good idea at the time, and some things don’t seem like a good idea at the time but you still do them for some reason — Dog food that time when I was a kid My friend told me it tasted like bread and I like bread. Dog food that time when I was an adult I like bread. Deep dish pizza That is an inside joke between me and the people of Chicago. A Malort shot out of a Tostitos scoop

Pickles

3 min read

Dill Pickle Cotton Candy & Other Things I Wish I Had Never Eaten
Dill Pickle Cotton Candy & Other Things I Wish I Had Never Eaten
Pickles

3 min read


Published in

The Haven

·Jul 1

The People Who Have Offered Me Something When They Saw Me Crying in Public, Ranked

Everyone gets #1 though — The downside of crying in public is that you are crying in public. The upside is sometimes people try to give you something. The Kroger Parking Lot Just days after a very emotional breakup, I had to go grocery shopping. I pulled into the parking lot, turned my car off, and immediately let out…

Crying

4 min read

The People Who Have Offered Me Something When They Saw Me Crying in Public, Ranked
The People Who Have Offered Me Something When They Saw Me Crying in Public, Ranked
Crying

4 min read


Jun 14

An Open Letter to Rachel Marsh the Aspiring Actress…

Dear Rachel Marsh the Aspiring Actress, [Not to be confused with ME, Rachel Marsh, who is not aspiring to anything] Because your career seems to be “taking off” as they say in “show business,” I felt I needed to write you this letter based on some concerns I’ve had. After…

Rachel Marsh

3 min read

An Open Letter to Rachel Marsh the Aspiring Actress…
An Open Letter to Rachel Marsh the Aspiring Actress…
Rachel Marsh

3 min read

Rachel Marsh

Rachel Marsh

300 Followers

Award-winning writer, non-award-winning comedian.

Following
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    Christine Stevens

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    Christine's Adventures

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    Max Barth - maxbarth.substack.com

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    Adam Dietz

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    Tom Owens: How I REALLY Feel!

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