Image from TeePublic

1. Comment on how delicious people’s houseplants look.

It’s just like all those times when a meat-eater sees a fat pig and (cleverly!) makes a comment about the sheer quantity of bacon one could procure from such a large animal; whenever you see a houseplant, observe out loud the amount of salad you could consume from said plant.

Summertime is pretty tough for me; it’s not because of the humid weather, it’s not because of the sunburns, it’s not even because I have a lot of teacher friends and I have to listen to them talk about all their free time.

It’s because of the mosquito bites.



Photo credit: Dreamstime

Oh, hey there! You’ve decided to come out for a peaceful weeknight evening at your local bar, I see!

Perhaps you’re catching up with a friend. Perhaps you’re out on a third Tinder date to determine if this person is really worth pursuing. …

Image credit: Dreamstime

Have you ever heard the chilling notion about how “hell is when the person you could have become meets the person you actually became”?

This really helps you to put your sad life into perspective and, more importantly, realize how much of a huge piece of garbage you are.



Image source: Dreamstime

Dear Crotchety Old Woman Downstairs,

As a 30-something woman, you moved into a basement apartment knowing that the house above it was occupied by a family with a 7-year-old and yet you, wow, moved in anyway.

But regardless of how bad the noise gets, you’ve never once implemented the broom-handle-to-ceiling…

Rachel Marsh

Award-winning writer, non-award-winning comedian. Also an improviser, please don’t hold that against me.

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